Things In My Head

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A small collection of some of the gems that have passed from synapse to synapse during my on-going editing process.  Enjoy!

Ok, I can do this.  Yeah, I can rock these edits.  [plays The Eye of the Tiger, runs laps around the building]

This isn’t so bad.

Oooh, hey, that sentence is really good. Yay me! I’m a writer!

WOW – I am a shit writer.  Everything in here is awful.  Why would I ever write that? It’s terrible!  MUST DESTROY ALL THE WORDS!

Well, the plot isn’t so off course…

OMG THE PLOT BLOWS UNICORN HORN!

Where did I put my red pen? Has anyone seen my red pen? No, I really have a very real need for my red pen. RED PEN – WHERE ARE YOU?!

“We’re painting the roses red, we’re painting the roses red…”

I wonder what time it is in Amsterdam.

Coffee… If I can just have more coffee then all of this will be OK.

Ok, let’s do a progress check… how far through this thing am I?  [brief but pregnant pause] I’M NOT EVEN HALF FUCKING WAY? HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE? I’VE BEEN AT THIS FOR DAAAAAYYYYSSSSS.

Goodbye, cruel world!

Look at all the pretty internet cats! Ha ha ha, that one is in a box!  Oh, Maru!

[Lying on the floor] I simply can’t… go on… the edits, they’ve… they’ve taken everything…

Just leave the booze by the mouse. I’ll get to it eventually.

I wish I was a good writer like Stephen King. I bet he shits better words than this.

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY RED FUCKING PEN?  BLUE JUST ISN’T CUTTING IT!

[Hums Dr. Who theme song]

I need… hugs…

Is it raining outside? I could edit a lot better if it was raining. The darkness of the clouds would reflect my mood.

Is it… am I… could I possibly be…? No, of course not.

[Pacing in living room] OK, so if I make her do this, then he should do this… I think?

WHY GOD DAMN YOU?! WHY WON’T YOU DO WHAT I WANT?

If I write this on a note card now and later change it…then I have to write a NEW note card. Hmm… [throws away note cards]

How committed do I feel to this change?

IS IT OVER YET? DEAR SWEET BABY ELEPHANTS PLEASE TELL ME IT’S OVER.

If I were her, and I were in this situation… but of course I’d never be… but maybe if she… no, that doesn’t work either.

[Rips out still-beating heart, squeezes it over the pages, smears it around, collapses]

Stay Shiny!

One Comment

  1. OMG THE PLOT BLOWS UNICORN HORN! <– This had me laughing out loud, in real life, totes magotes.

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