Let’s Have a Beer, You & Me.

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Hey so it’s been a while. I suck, I know. You don’t need to rub it in. No, seriously stop rubbing. HEY THAT IS SALT IN MY WOUNDED WRITERS HEART SO CUT IT OUT. Ok, rub. I deserve it.

I’ve been busy – which is no excuse.  I’m trying to be better. This is me, trying to be better, so suck it up and deal with it. Pound back a beer with me and forgive me, already.  How about a little run down of what’s be going on?  Will that make you feel better?

I started school at the end of August. Not just school, but a Graduate degree. School for my Masters. Woah. It’s 100% online and I’m 100% excited and it’s definitely challenging. I’m in week 4… it’s been an adjustment.  School takes up most of my extra time.  And then there’s the geeky side.  Some really fun, geek-tastic things happened (in no particular order): The Sims 4 was released, Destiny was released, The Witch with No Name by Kim Harrison was released, Cast in Flame by Michelle Sagara was released, Blightborn by Chuck Wendig was released.  I’ve been up to my eyeballs in pretty words and gaming revelry. It’s not going to slow down any time soon: there are some really good games that are coming out in October/November. Assassins Creed Unity, anyone? Civilization Beyond Earth? Yes, I’ll take some of that, too. Plus I (finally) get a vacation in October. YEAH. We’re going to Portland and I shall bask in the city of my people. I can feel it in my heartstrings: that’s where I belong.  Since I haven’t actually been there yet the reality might be different, but I have time to figure it out. I’m going to have a great time on vacation.

That being said, WHEW. What a load off. Did you finish your beer yet? Can I buy you another? How about you just sit there and listen to me yap about my writing, since I’m sure that’s what you really want to hear about anyway.  Tosses you a beer. Throws back a shot. Channels Wendig (because he is the Wendig beneath my wings).

I’ve been doing “OK” with my writing.  There’s a small, wretched, half-drowned part of me that isn’t thriving but isn’t dying that’s beating against my skull to be LET THE FUCK OUT. It’s the writer in me, and the beast sighs with relief every time I have to write a discussion post for school or I work on an assignment.  Right now the beast is purring contentedly as I let these words splash against the pixels of my monitor.  Happy, soft, writing beast.

Here’s what I’ve been doing to keep the writing going: I haven’t been working on my novel. I know, right? That seems crazy.  But here’s the thing, I’m still not sure where it’s going. I’m pretty sure it’s a broken, blood soaked relic that isn’t going to make it out of the confines of my hard drive.  I’m OK with that, I’ve made peace with it.  I haven’t given up on it, but I think it’s served its purpose for now.  Maybe after school is over I’ll dust it off and focus on it again, tearing the plot holes apart with laser focus and feasting on the entrails of the characters I quietly kill off, building new, monstrous characters from their ashes.

What I have been working on is random, somewhat chaotic but definitely fun.  I’ve pretty much been letting my creativity and dreams take me wherever they want.  It seems unfocused, and it is… sort of.  There’s a purpose, even if it’s not BOOK PUBLISH REVIEW FOCUS WRITE MORE BOOK PRETTY LASERS GIN. I digress (not really).  For the next three years, while school rages on and I learn new things I’m going to let my writing be fun and developmental. I’m going to write whatever the hell makes my jollies jiggle and dash the consequences. Who knows, when I’m done, I might actually have some good material to move forward with.  Plus, I can’t claim to have figured out my “voice” yet, and I’m pretty sure that’s important.

Some people think I’m crazy for not following my dream of becoming an author RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. They say: follow your dreams when you’re young, you’ll regret it when you’re old. But here’s the rub: I AM following my dreams.  This is my path – because my path is whatever the hell path I choose. If I want to crawl naked through a field of barbed wire laced with rattlesnake venom while being chased by feral honey badgers I will, because I choose to. My life, my choice, my path.  Just because I’m not beating down an agents door, frothing at the mouth and begging them to publish me doesn’t mean that I’ve given up.

There you have it. That’s what’s been going on with me lately, that’s what’s on my mind. I’m not going to promise I’ll blog more frequently, because I’m a terrible liar and I don’t think I can keep that promise. But I do promise to try. I do promise to put it on my schedules so I remember. I promise to share. Because I know you miss me. I can tell. And not just because you’re drunk, sobbing on my shoulder, proclaiming your undying love for me. Get a grip, my friend. We’ll have a beer again soon.

Peace, love and unicorn hugs – stay shiny.